Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Just travelin' thru...

Number of bags checked: 4 (most of which probably barely made the weight limit)

Number of pounds diaper bag and carry-on tote weigh: 250

Number of umbrella strollers purchased in order to find the best one: 2

Number of minutes it took us to find out that all umbrella strollers are crap unless you spend a billion dollars: 5

Number of strollers returned to Target: 1

Number of minutes it took me to assemble the crappy umbrella stroller we kept: 10

Number of minutes it took me to figure out how to fold/unfold the damn thing: 15

Number of people who we let go in front of us while trying to figure it out: 25

Number of dirty looks I received from a TSA agent when the Puffs container went flying out of my overpacked tote: 1 (You have a nice day too, asshat.)

Number of really adorably sweet TSA agents who had to run tests on a bottle of breast milk in order to carry it on: 1

Number of inappropriate jokes said TSA agent made about said breast milk after I informed him it wasn’t formula: 2

Number of books husband brought from home to read (“You can never read The Firm too many times!”): 1

Number of books purchased for husband at the airport bookstore immediately upon arriving: 1

Number of minutes our flight is delayed: 55

Number of dollars spent on two chicken sandwiches (and a beer for my husband) at the airport Chili’s: 41 (!!!!)

Number of curse words said upon seeing the bill: 3

Number of adorable grandmothers sitting next to us who took a liking to The Incredible Hulk during dinner: 2

Number of thankful prayers that I said under my breath when the two adorable grannies told me they were on my flight and that they wouldn’t care if he cried his head off: 1 million

Number of beers I wish I could have to calm my flying nerves: 2 or 3

Number of beers I had: 0

Percentage of battery on iPhone an hour before boarding plane: 30

Number of curse words said upon seeing that: 2

Number of outlets around to charge iPhone: 0

Number of minutes flight is delayed: 65

Number of curse words said: 1

Number of laps around the terminal husband has made with the stroller: 3 going on 4

Number of laps my own mother took me on around this terminal when I was a baby: Too many to count (Can you believe you used to be able to do that?)

Number of movies filmed in this very airport which star George Clooney: 1

Number of minutes flight is delayed now: 75

Number of curse words said: None.  I just give up.

Number of ounces in the Cinnamon Dolce Latte I am going to make my husband buy me on his next lap: Venti (that’s case you didn’t know.)

Number of hours past TIH’s bedtime we will now arrive: 2

Number of girls giving themselves a pedicure (shoes off and everything) in the middle of the seating area: 1 (WTF. WHY?)

Number of minutes we were supposed to be in the air by now: 30

Number of words into my Starbucks order to my husband I got before he told me said “Text it to me.”: 2 (Venti, Decaf...)

Number of women eating homemade egg salad while sitting two seats away: 1

Number that rates on the weirdness scale (1-10): 12

Number of minutes our flight is delayed: 80

Number of laps daddy has made with the stroller: Too many to count.

Number of laps before I think he’s going to give up and make me take over: 1

Number of ounces of Cinnamon Dolce Latte spilled on the crappy umbrella stroller while walking: 1

Number of ounces of Cinnamon Dolce Latte spilled on a stranger’s newspaper: 14

Number of seconds it took to change TIH’s diaper upon hearing we were boarding: 8

Number of times I have breast fed in a public place prior to this trip: ZERO.

Number it ranked on the embarrassment scale to do it on the plane during take off (even under my ‘hooter hider’): A 

Number of minutes into the flight TIH fell asleep: Less than 20

Number of minutes he slept through after that: 120 (YEAH. Almost the whole damn flight!)

Number of seconds it will take me to decide whether or not I will try to feed him to sleep on the plane trip home: ZERO.

Number of club sodas and lime consumed: 2

Number of cocktails I wished to order instead: 2

Number of minutes this random oversharer spent telling stories about sexual encounters in his 20 and “weird GI issues” in 
the seat behind us (Yes. Seriously.): 120 (YEAH.  ALMOST THE WHOLE DAMN FLIGHT.)

Number of minutes it took to install our car seat in the rental car: 25

Percentage of humidity outside while attempting to do this: 4 billion %

Number of rental car personnel who were willing/able to help: ZERO.

Number of hours past TIH’s bedtime before he actually got to sleep: 3.5

Days before we have to do it all again: 4
I need a nap.


  1. Hilarious! Have a good time. :)

  2. I remember the first flying trip we took with Eva (15 months)
    Number of flights in the trip: 4
    Number of suckers brought to help her ears pop: 12
    Number we actually let her have before realizing the sticky mess was worse than potential ear problems: 1
    number of times we have tried to repeat the experience: 0

    I could go on and on (about checking the car seat, negotiating lines, why the heck anyone w a small child would want to board early, thus extending the time the poor kid has to sit still, etc But i won't

    Great post!

  3. OMG this is hilarious (sorry!)...I almost peed myself reading it. We've had a plane delayed too for about that long...but I did the laps as my husband got drunk at the bar bc he's an extremely nervous flyer and the term "mechanical problem" and realization they were still going to make us take that plane was too much for him to take. So I did laps with Jackson - at 10 months old. Oh...and yes, good umbrella strollers are the way to go...we have a Maclaren and LOVE it.

    Safe travels on the way home!


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