Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The only way to really know...

The number two seems to be a common theme in the world of mommy blogs these days.
I read several blogs whose writers are expecting their second child.
And several who have written posts about planning for number two or thinking about number two.

Let me put it out there for the world to see - The Incredible Hulk will be an only child for a very long time.  I am not ready.  My husband?  I'm sure he's totally ready.  He's brave (and by "brave," I mean, "insane"), but until he figures out how to grow things in his uterus, he will patiently wait.

I have no plan for my life in that way.  I'm a natural planner in every aspect of my life (not to be mistaken with a "natural family planner" because, make no mistake, I am not that) EXCEPT for when it comes to how many kids I want to have and when I want to embark upon having them.
At some point in my life, I said I wanted to be finished having kids before I was 30.
Now, as I steadily approach the age of 28 and haven't yet had a single urge to have more kids - that statement makes me laugh at myself.

We got married on October 4, 2008.  On October 5, 2008, my husband was completely ready to have a baby.  I held him to this strict "No, we are waiting two years, mister, get away from me" rule and went about our blissful first year of marriage.

The following fall, I made the brave decision to accomplish a different "before I turn 30" goal and started grad school.  I was only a few weeks into class, when my music and rehabilitation professor did a lecture about music therapy with babies in the NICU.  It was frightening, hearing her talk about all of the things that could go wrong in a pregnancy and in delivery, and about these fragile little lives fighting to stay alive in the NICU.

Interestingly enough, this was the moment I decided I was ready to become a mother.

Here I was, only 25 and (besides perpetually needing to shed a few pounds) - very healthy.  I had none of the risk factors associated with a high-risk pregnancy.  So, what was I waiting for?  To become high-risk?

Before that moment, when people would ask "When are you two going to start having kids?" I would first think terrible thoughts about them in my head (because that is no one's flipping business) and then I would answer, "I don't know.  I'm just waiting for that moment when I know it's right."

That's really exactly what happened.  I just knew.

And so, I think that's how it's going to be with number two.  Someday, something (or nothing) will happen and I'll just say,"Okay.  Let's do it."

It isn't to say I don't smile when I see pregnant lady woman rub her belly when she has obviously just felt a kick.
It isn't to say I don't look back at TIH's pictures when he was a little guy and feel a certain sense of longing.
It isn't to say that I don't think about possible names or that dreamy newborn smell (well, the dreamy non-poop newborn smell.)

It is to say I've got a whole lot of sleep to catch up on and a little guy who still doesn't always want to sleep for 8 whole hours in a row.  That I am really enjoying TIH's current phase of discovery and (sometimes too much) independence.  That I already feel like I miss out on enough of his life, so I don't want to complicate the matter with a whole other person to distract me.

So for now, we are happily a family of three.

Oops.  Sorry, Lido.
Family of four.


  1. Yay...glad to see you back in blogland...first with a comment on my blog and now your own post :). Go you! And you'll just know, just like you said :).

  2. Baby number two was a surprise for us because I was very sick and unable to do anything but NFP (which obviously didn't work). That said it's been almost four years since our youngest was born and hubs and I were ready for number three.

    I really appreciate a person who knows what they are ready for and is standing firm on that.

  3. Well, three is the magic number, after all. I think you should change your blog song to the Blind Melon version in honor of this post.

  4. I totally get this. Totally. I had my second child 4 1/2 months ago, when my son was 2 years, 3 months. I felt inspired to have them close together more because of my age than any desire to have a newborn or to be pregnant again (dirty mommy secret). I also felt a strong desire to provide him with a sibling. . . if I were in your shoes (er, years), I would definitely wait! I will say, though, that having two has been easier than I anticipated because my wee one is so much easier than my son--his first four months were hell. I'm pretty sure I had PTSD. For real.

  5. I'm three weeks away from the due date of my first child, I'm 34 years old, and throughout this pregnancy people were asking "so when will you have baby #2?" First of all...WHUCK? Can I please concentrate on this kid first?
    Second of all, due to our ages and the fact that he is an only child and my brother is over a decade older than me, my hubs and I are pretty sure we're happy to be a one-kid family. When I express this to others, the general reaction is one of shock and pity. My grandmother *gasped* when I told her that we only want one child and treated me like I told her that I was thinking of going on a second-trimester drinking binge. I guess I never understood that if you make the decision to become a parent, it is implicit that you will be a parent to multiple children. Well, sorry, society, but I prefer to focus on quality over quantity.

  6. I'm with you. Been a while. :) Hope all is well!


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