Defeated was the only word that came to mind as I scratched my name across another line.
As I stared at the numbers on the pages in front of me and mentally deducted the amount monthly from our checking account, I got an uneasy feeling in my stomach.
I searched my brain for ways that this purchase would save us money in the end. There were none. I couldn’t think of a single good reason why we were doing this.
I’m pretty sure I had it added to our wedding vows that my husband could never, never make me do what I was sitting in this man’s office doing. But, here I was. A decision born and made of my own volition. A decision carried out with a little too much curiosity about how much it would cost for us to have a little bit more wiggle room while we cart ourselves all around this city.
It was phrases like “Rear Seat Entertainment Center,” “Special Financing Options,” and “Touch Screen Navigation” that drew me in. But then, it was the way it drove, almost like – I can’t believe I am going to say this – like a luxury vehicle, that solidified the decision in my mind.
I couldn’t think of a single moment where I pictured myself doing this. The safety and comfort of a certain little toddler weighed heavily on my mind as I listened to yet another explanation of yet another page to sign. Making this choice, the one that I’ve dreaded (well, avoided) with every ounce of my being, this would definitely guarantee, among other things, safety and comfort.
My mind was screaming at me, “WHAT HAVE YOU BECOME?!” I felt my forehead break out into a sweat. Every part of me wanted to run screaming from that office.
And yet, scratch scratch scratch – I just kept signing my life away.
I could hear TIH running through the building; screaming, knocking things over, generally wreaking havoc. I rolled my eyes. Two years ago I would have silently judged the parents allowing that craziness to go on. How things change. My God, how things change.
Finally, I reached the last dotted line, and printed right below where my signature would go – “Congratulations!”
“Congratulations? CONGRATULATIONS? Don’t you dare congratulate me, dude. I just bought a freaking minivan.”
I need a drink.