Monday, January 23, 2012

Things I'll never say...

[Before I get started on today's post (which is a total rant and I have nothing to rant about when it comes to this amazing sponsor), allow me to introduce the first ever New Mom on the Blog sponsor! A friend of mine introduced me to Stephanie and her absolutely gorgeous photography.  When she offered some mini-shoot sessions for Christmas cards in November, I was eager to grab one of those sessions as quickly as I could.  The end result was my favorite Christmas card of ALL TIME.  If you're looking for a photographer and are in the Metro-St. Louis area, I encourage you to contact Rosser Photography and book a session as quickly as you possibly can.  As the mommy to a toddler, she is amazing with little ones, but she is an all around amazing photographer - no matter what the subject.  Thanks, Stephanie for being willing to be our first sponsor.]

I was told before I became a mother that things would change.
I was warned that people will begin giving you advice about things they have no business giving you advice about.

But, I'm not sure anyone told me that people would start saying and doing completely, totally, unbelievably, rude things to you (or in front of you).  I have heard the most appalling things recently, and I need to take this opportunity to rant about it for a bit.  Some of these things were said to me.  Some of these things were said to others.  But, let me caution anyone who reads this - these things should never be said.  And if you're saying them?  You're an a-hole.


"That's not the right way to burp that baby."
(This actually happened to me.  It was overheard as I was trying to burp my newborn son in a noisy restaurant.)

If you are staring at a sleep-deprived mother who is clearly at her wits end and swimming in a sea of her own ineptitude and the ONLY THING THAT COMES TO YOUR MIND IS, "You're doing it wrong"?  You're an a-hole.

"Where are your shoes?"
Maybe it sounds a little odd, but I've had this said to me several times.  No.  Wait.  I've had this said to my child, but really it was only said for me to hear.

If you're saying something to a child's mother about his mother in this passive aggressive way?  You're an a-hole.  (Also, you're a moron, because anyone who has ever met a child under the age of 2 should know that they manage to pull both their socks/shoes off the minute you get them fastened.)

"I don't send my children to daycare because I want to be the one raising my kids."
Congratulations.  I'm glad your life worked out for you and you're rich.  I'm not.  I have to work.  And even if I didn't, I'd still gladly send my children to daycare, all the while knowing, I am still the one "raising my kids."  My mom was a working mom and I still say that she was the one that raised me.

If you're making another mother feel inferior for financially supporting her family (which, by the way, plays a major part in "raising my kids"), you're an a-hole.

"He's obviously your first kid."
Listen, I know that I will probably be a bit more lax by the time our next kid comes around.  As someone who writes a blog solely on the subject, I think it's safe to say I've embraced the fact that I'm a new mom.  However, when Bubba at the mall turned to me in response to an audible gasp after seeing TIH take a particularly heinous tumble at the indoor playground, it was all that I could do to politely nod and say anything obsene.

If you think you're cool for making me feel like a helicopter mom when really I'm just worried about the well-being of my child?  You're an a-hole.

"I want to see more pictures of your baby!!!!"
This one requires a little bit of context.  I have seen this numerous times on Facebook.  Okay, it needs a little bit more context.  I have seen this on the Facebook photo albums of parents of new babies.  Alright...a little bit more context.  I have seen this on Facebook, in the photo albums of new mothers less than 24 hours after the baby was born.

If you are demanding for woman who just pushed a baby out of her vagina (or had it surgically ripped from her abdomen) to get on Facebook and upload photographs (or for that matter, do anything other than sleep and hold her baby) mere hours after the aforementioned event?  I'm glad you're excited.  Frankly, we all are.  Also?



Are there any I forgot?
Am I the only person who feels this way?
If you think so, you're an a-hole.
Just kidding :)


  1. Oh my god, that last one. That freaking last one happened to me by LOTS of people.

    We want more pics of the baby they cried! Yet I just had the 9 lb monster (felt like a monster anyway) ripped from my stomach and then I hemorrhaged AFTERward and people were all oooh and ahhh and why aren't you uploading any pics to facebook????? Also, I get that people want to come see the baby in the hospital, but when they overstayed their welcome (and they did, because I was telling them several times they needed to leave), a holes.

    If I had had the energy to move, I probably would have cut a bitch or twelve. Now, I upload pics, and no one gives a damn. F. U. A holes.

  2. I've got one...

    Are you nursing? I've had total strangers and people I know ask me this one. None. Of. Your. Business.

    1. SO RUDE? In what world is it EVER okay to ask someone about their breasts?

  3. I recently walked past a neighbor's house (keep in mind I don't know this lady) with my baby. She hollered at me from her front door that I was going to make my baby sick if I didn't cover up her ears. I'm going to make my baby sick? A-hole. Then she came outside and followed me about a half block down the road, blabbering about how babies get sick when cold air blows in their ears and she should know because she's a nurse and plus her grandson got sick that way. Shut up, a-hole, that is not how babies get sick. Besides, even if that were how babies get sick, it was 55 degrees out. Now I have to pass that a-hole's house every day, hoping she doesn't notice some glaring parenting error while she hovers in her front window, lest she come running out in her slippers to tell me what I'm doing wrong.

    1. Assuming you don't live in Antarctica, I think you're good. That woman is more than an idiot. She's a MORON.

  4. This is great. I used to hate any question that ended in "yet". "Is he walking...yet?" "Have you lost the weight...yet?" "Is he talking....yet?" "Do you have him on a schedule....yet?"

    (So proud to be your first sponsor!!!!)

    1. That's a GREAT one! I have a whole post planned on "Is he talking...yet?"

  5. Hahaha hi! Haven't been around much but I still catch up on your blog and you still make me smile with posts like this one. :)

    1. I know! I miss you and I'm always so excited to see posts with pics of you and your sweet girl :)

  6. Sheer genius. You, my dear, are NOT an a-hole.


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