Wednesday, February 15, 2012

That's just the way it is...

In my less-than-two-years of motherhood, I have noticed a few universal constants in the ever complicated equation of taking care of a child.  Allow me to share these with you:

1.       Your toddler will run a fever, have explosive diarrhea, or vomit at daycare on the day where both you and your husband have a million and a half work things to do and cannot possibly go pick him up.  (A common variant is to have this happen when you have nothing to do at work, but also have almost no sick time available to you.)

2.   Your child's symptoms will only last long enough for you to pick them up from daycare.  The fever/vomiting/pooping will resolve around the time you arrive home and not return for the required 24 hour period away from daycare.  In its place, you will find your child has an insatiable amount of energy and decreased need for sleep.

3.       Your toddler will always poop himself the minute you are walking out the door only on the days when you are running heinously late.

4.       Your Amazon Mom Subscribe and Save order will always ship the day after you run out and buy a jumbo box of diapers (having already depleted your emergency stash as well as made your toddler make do with two sizes too small diapers for a week.)

5.       Your diaper bag will always be packed with an extra full set of clothes – except for the day when you are nowhere near home, it is 30 degrees outside, and your child has had a blow out.

Can you think of any I left out?  Please share.


I shared my experience with a another universal constant (unrelated to motherhood...well, sort of) on Mommy Shorts and was subsequently selected for a contest.  Pretty pretty please hop on over there and vote for me?  I hate losing things.  Also, fair warning, the story I am sharing is EXTREMELY crass.  See.  Now you really want to go over there and check it out.  My story is under "Amanda" and you can vote for it by clicking the radio button for "Period Surprise."  Yep.  Bet you're really excited now.


  1. Your child will have a huge puke fest in the car the day after you nstall the new carseat. I've been meaning to write a post about that forever.

    I fixed the link! Thanks for the awesome story.

    1. Oh God, yes.

      There is probably a related universal constant in that your car and the car seat will NEVER stop smelling like vomit no matter what you do - Febreeze, bleach, taking off the impossible-to-get-back-on padding and attempting to wash it, replacing the car seat all together - NOTHING WORKS.


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